I don’t know who this short chapter is for, but I felt in my heart that I needed to write it. As if God were whispering it into my soul. Because someone out there needs the courage to write and I want to lend you some of the courage I have found to get you started on your journey.
I want to start from the beginning. I had been dreaming of writing for a good decade. The burning desire seemed unquenchable and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't squelch it. In all honesty, it made no sense. I had no time, no resources. There were so many other things that seemed more important.
Because I couldn't silence it, I brought it before God and asked Him to speak to it.
I asked Him to confirm, beyond the personal passion, that it was indeed time for me to write. "Just one last time," I prayed. "Speak to me one last time and I won't ever question you again."
That same night, I had a vivid Jesus dream. My husband lay fast asleep on the bed next to me in quiet slumber. The darkness that surrounded me was filled with peace and promise. Now, I rarely have Jesus dreams. But in this one, God was standing next to me and He spoke. "When you wake up, remember Jeremiah 1:9." He repeated that to me three times and then I woke up. With a sleepy brain, I couldn't even wrap my head around the significance of the dream. Since it was the middle of the night, I wrote the verse down on a small scrap piece of paper in my nightstand and fell back asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, the vivid dream was on the forefront of my mind. It stayed on my mind as I woke the kids up, as I packed four tiny lunches, as I drove to school and back, and as I finally parked the car in the driveway, ready to sit down with my Bible. I made my way through the house to our living room and sat down on our comfy sofa and crackling fireplace.
Hot cup of tea in one hand, nightstand scrap of paper in the other, I opened my journal and wrote about the dream, reliving every moment—including the words God had spoken to me. I was a little nervous, to be honest. In all my excitement of having a dream with God in it, I finally came face to face with one importantly overlooked detail: I had no idea what Jeremiah 1:9 said. For all I knew it could be a verse that talked about livestock. At this point my brain kicked into overdrive trying to reason my way out of the verse, if indeed it was a non-applicable one. “Maybe God meant to tell me to remember Joshua 1:9,” I thought. After all I had that one memorized: “Be strong and courageous for God is with you.”
Backup plan in place, I opened my Bible wearily. My eyes remained transfixed on the following verse.
“Then the Lord reached out his hand, touched my mouth, and told me: I have now filled your mouth with my words.” Jeremiah 1:9, CSV
I closed my Bible and wept. I wept tears of joy. I wept tears of thankfulness. He knew I needed a word from Him to move forward and beyond all reasoning He spoke. I made a commitment from that point forward not to question my writing journey, but to just do it. I would not ask for confirmation again. I would simply be obedient. And this journey of obedience has been the best time of my life.
You see, I had to know that writing was the path God wanted me to walk on. The time and effort alone would require a life-change shift on my end—both internally and externally. I also knew that Just Be would be the first of many books. That in the secret, cobweb-filled crevices of my heart, writing a book each year for this decade of my life was an unanswered call. Moving forward with that desire was daunting. The money we needed to invest into it seemed impossible. The time, unavailable. The writing support, nonexistent. The desire, however, to be in the center of God’s will for my life, unexchangeable. He was leading me feebly onwards, toward full-on obedience. Once He spoke, it was time to stop asking and start moving.
Some of you reading this may have sensed a tugging on your heart to write or do something that seems impossible. Maybe you’ve prayed long, hard hours about it and are wondering what you should do. You may even feel like God has confirmed time and time again that you are called to write. So my question to you is this: What are you waiting for?
It’s in the consistent steps of obedience that I have found a depth of courage I didn’t know I could possess.
This journey has taken faith. God has upended my world through it. He’s challenged me time and time again to value His voice and obedience above what I think is important. There have been so many moments where I’ve questioned His calling in my heart, but I’ve kept going.
There are days that I haven’t felt like writing, but I keep writing. So many times I wondered if I really had what it took to write a book that would even scratch the surface of who God was and is, but I proceeded anyway. Days of confessing to God that I don’t know if I can hold one more moment of motherhood, worship-leading, and writing well. Afraid I might drop the fragile, beautiful balance of each, replacing it with my own safe, plastic-bubble-balled reasoning. Still I keep going. Keep believing. Keep walking.
God is, and always will remain, faithful. Don’t let fear or uncertainty keep you immovable for one more moment. When I get to the end of my life, I want to look back and see that each year was better than the last. Because loving and knowing God doesn't diminish your life with age; it only makes life that much more satisfying.
May my words be like a gentle nudge to get you up.
May God's word be the key that starts your engine.
And may your continual relationship with Him be the road map that guides your direction.
I pray that you will embrace the courage to write.
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Photo Credit: Pixabay, pexels.com | Design: Milan Klusacek, milanklusacek.com
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